Courage is Not the Absence of Fear
Grant Fairman, MSG U.S. Army
As I begin to stare down the end of my military career, which has encompassed my entire adult life, I find myself filled with a mix of emotions. Excitement for all the potential that the next chapter offers, pride in the service rendered, sadness in seeing the end to something that has defined me as a person for so long, relief in the idea of being able to “set the rucksack down”, and the most unexpected and possibly dominate feeling of all…
Fear.
Fear of going forward without my safety net. Fear of not being able to integrate back into the civilian world. Fear of losing the comradery that is unique to the Profession of Arms. Fear that I may no longer have a driving purpose. Fear of losing who I am. Fear of not knowing what direction to take. Fear of disappointing my loved ones. Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure.
Through all of this, it is courage that allows me to face it head on; to continue pursuing goals rather than succumbing to the crippling pressure of my fears. In fact, courage demands that I face them, not shy away or deny they exist. This is what it means to be courageous for there are still going to be people counting on me and no excuse will replace the guilt of failing due to a lack of effort and allowing fear to determine my future.
In the Army we live by the “Army Values” of which there are seven:
Loyalty
Duty
Respect
Selfless Service
Honor
Integrity
Personal Courage
Soldiers are taught that personal courage is “Facing fear, danger, or adversity (both physical and moral)” and that “with physical courage, it is a matter of enduring physical duress and at times risking personal safety. Facing moral fear or adversity,” on the other hand, “may be a long, slow process of continuing forward on the right path, especially if taking those actions is not popular with others.”
What separates those who are perceived as courageous from others is not the amount (or rather lack) of fear, instead it is the willingness and ability to acknowledge that they are afraid, identify what they are afraid of, to process this truth, and continue forward towards the desired end-state. It also means not giving up their truth or honor for membership. It means being afraid to take the next step and taking it anyway.
Facing fear, not being absent of it, is at the heart of what it means to be courageous. The fear is present and real and is something that needs to be acknowledged and in light of this, courage does not mean being unnecessarily reckless or haphazard. Courage is taking purposeful, committed, deliberate action despite the fact that you are terrified of the possible outcome.
Control your fear, don’t let it control you
Taking action does not mean that we stop being afraid, it means that we start taking control. Taking action means that we start identifying what it is we are afraid of; we start naming it, examining it, and as a result we are equipped to deal with it more effectively.
When we allow fear to control our thoughts, actions, or being we are doomed to either not fully commit to our goals and likely fail, or be paralyzed into doing nothing and live with crippling regret. This is how fear robs you of your dreams, robs you of attaining your goals, and robs you of being able to self actualize.
On the other hand, when we take control of our fear we are able to identify ways to mitigate risks, plan for potential negative outcomes, and determine what the realistic impact on our lives will be. Taking control means that we can make an informed decision, as opposed to an emotional one. It means we can more accurately judge whether the risk is worth the reward and what our next steps need to be.
I realize that mastering fear is in truth much easier said than done, but nothing worth doing was ever easy. Thankfully, there are exercises that we can do that can help with building the skill of controlling our fear. Yes, controlling fear is a skill that can be learned and often times the first step is to understand that it is an emotion like any other and given that fact, we can choose to what degree we allow fear to determine our future.
Take it to the extreme
One method used in gaining control of our emotional response to fear is identifying what we are afraid of in a given situation and take it to the extreme ends. In this exercise, it’s not enough to say that I am afraid of failing. When looking at the absolute worst case scenario we have to go further.
What happens after I fail? And after that, what then… What does the very bottom of that pit look like?
“If I go after the new position and fail, then I’ll likely lose my job, be unable to pay the bills and lose the house. Because of this my spouse will divorce me, my kids will abandon me, my savings will be completely wiped out, and ultimately I’ll end up dying homeless in a gutter on skid row while fighting off meth heads for the butt end of a hotdog I fished out of a back alley dumpster”
This is taking the extreme look down the dark path of fear. This step is intended to put you face to face with the absolute worst outcome you can think of and then take one step further. Once you find rock bottom we now can move to step two: What is the absolute best possible outcome?
“I go after the new job and totally rock it. Not only do I totally crush it, but the owner personally gives me a $1 million salary raise, a huge cash bonus, says I can make my own hours, and then puts me on the short list for promotion to my favorite C-suite position. My wife and kids see the result of going after my dreams and pursue their own. Now we are all extremely successful, rich, and living our best lives.”
This step should bring a smile to your face. Allow yourself to fantasize an absolute absurdly positive outcome. The reason we do this is to not only lift the spirit a bit but to recognize that the fear based bottom is no more real or probable than the optimistic top. As with most things, the truth lies somewhere in the middle.
Now it’s time to take an honest, I’ll say it again, HONEST estimation of what your fear is, what the likely outcomes are, and what the consequence of inaction is. To help with this you can ask yourself the following questions:
What are you assuming and what is FACT regarding the situation?
What is the deep truth behind your fear?
What is the likelihood that the fear result comes to pass?
What do success and failure each look like for this situation?
Are you in a position where success is a likely result?
Can you live with or learn from a failure in this situation?
Is the result of inaction better or worse than the fear result?
Can you live with yourself if you never try?
When considering these questions take the extra step to consider not just immediate results but also what happens after and what are the external ramifications. That is, who or what else will be effected. Often times in the heat of the moment these considerations get lost despite how very real and vital they may be.
You are courageous and capable, now seize the future
Fear, like any emotion, can be controlled, understood, and overcome through practice, self awareness, and effort. Courage by definition is a skill that can be learned and improved upon for it is not simply that the courageous are unafraid. Quite the opposite, they are just as afraid as everybody else. The difference is that courageous people do not allow fear to determine their results.
In order for us to be courageous all we need to do is acknowledge our fear and perform in spite of it; to continue on despite the fear for we know that we are the masters of our destiny and no simple thing like fear is going to sway us from the path. Courage is a capability we all possess. While success is never 100% guaranteed, if we put in the effort and work required, fear should have no say in determining our future.
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Grant also hosts the Five Peaks Podcast at https://anchor.fm/grant-fairman Also follow on IG @fivepeakswellnessco , @fivepeakspodcast and on Twitter @peaksfive for more inspiring content
